Druid & Thief Conquer the World (2)

fire

Please reference the first entry to Druid & Thief Conquer the World before reading part two. Pikachu had just suggested the pair visit the town of Moldy Bottoms.

Selinde indulged herself in a jaw cracking yawn before answering. “I’m guessing you want more opportunities to practice your purse snatching?”

“Well, I mean there are other things we could do in the town. Maybe a tavern or..”

“I’m kidding! I don’t care what you do, just remember my invisibility wand only has one more charge.”

They walked back to the cabin and Selinde was entertained by Pikachu’s lack of skill with the bow drill. When he wasn’t paying attention she daintily flicked her wrist and a spark appeared to his delight.

I’ll let  him have that one. “Your woodcraft is improving. I’m impressed!”

Soon they had a roaring fire and if not for the rumbling in her stomach Selinde would have been fast asleep. “Too bad we didn’t have a chance to hunt. I would die for a nice rabbit stew.”

“I found these! Mushrooms have protein, right?” Pikachu handed Selinde a strange purple mushrooms with a pink spotted cap.

“I haven’t had much training in herb lore but this doesn’t look like any mushroom I’ve ever seen.” She quickly conducted a detect poison spell to see if they were safe. “I don’t know about their nutritional value, but at least they won’t kill us.” She popped a couple in her mouth and was surprised by their sweet taste. “These are actually quite good.”

The mushrooms turned out to have a strange addictive quality and both Selinde and Pikachu ate two fistfuls each. It wasn’t long before both of them were flat on their backs in the cabin staring up at the ceiling into space.

“Pikachu, I feel so strange,” Selinde whisered. “It’s like my entire body is on fire from my toes to the top of my head.” She rolled on her side to look at him. His eyes were so bright blue they seemed to glow. Had they always been so captivating. Must be the elf in him.

Pikachu also felt strange. “Selinde,” he whispered. “Where are you?” His vision  had clouded with twirling, pulsing light.

“I’m here, Pikachu. I’m waiting for you.”

She stood on the other side of the fire, her skin aglow in its golden reflection. Her eyes sparkled like emeralds.

“I’ve been waiting for you for so long,” she breathed.

Pikachus stomach dropped.”Whhaaaaaaaatt???” he croaked.

She stretched out her arms to him. ”Come to me.”

Without thinking, he leapt at her, but landed in the fire. But even third degree burns couldn’t stop the throbbing passion he felt surging beneath his trousers. After putting out the actual fire on him, he turned his inner fire to her.

“Selinde,” he moaned, while caressing her skin. It was rougher than he thought it would be, like bark.

“Enough stalling, Pik. I want you.” She went to undo his trousers.

“I just, um, I mean I might not be as big as…” he cringed as he tried to warn her about the abysmal size of his penis. Sex had evaded him too many times because of it. The women just simply couldn’t seem to continue while laughing so hard.

“What do you mean, Pik? You’re huge!”

Pikachu looked down to see he had grown exponentially.. was it some kind of magic?

He went at her with the full of his  passion.

“Pik!” her voice sounded far off. “Pik!” she said again. “Stop humping that firewood. We can’t get it wet.”

rogue

To be continued!

Druid and Thief Conquer the World is a product of the union of Logan Grey and Mary Beecroft!

https://marybeecroft.wordpress.com/

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Druid & Thief Conquer the World!

druid.jpg

Selinde couldn’t believe she was still standing. The battle with that rogue band of deamons had pushed her magic to it’s limits. The saving grace had been their mistake in attacking an Arch Druid in the middle of a forest. Despite this advantage Selinde and her companion, Pikachu had barely made it out alive. Their hasty retreat and subsequent three mile trek to her safehouse in Aloryia had drained her physically. She leaned a shoulder on Pikachu and wondered not for the first time, what she would have done without his strength.

Pikachu had offered to carry Selinde, but her pride forced her to refuse. In the last three years, however, there had been a few times when she did not refuse him. They had fought many battles together, some of which they shouldn’t have survived. When Selinde was younger she had once bemoaned being the only druid left alive but she now realized that Pikachu was worth a hundred dusty old druids.

“I can set a ward for tonight, it should hold until I have my strength back. Can you make a fire?”

Pikachu’s fire making skills were shite, but he agreed. While Selinde was off doing her magic mumbo jumbo, Pikachu looked around for some wood. ‘Maybe tonight’s the night, he thought. The night Selinde would finally realize her undying love for him.

Boom! Bang! Powee! Suddenly the trees around them come crashing down.

Selinde throws up a forcefield around the two of them just in time to save the pair from being flattened by a falling tree. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, you?”

“Yes, but if anymore trees fall over I’m not sure I have the strength of shield us. What the hell could have caused that?”

The pair of them looked up to see the tree limbs above were awash in a dazzling rainbow of swirling colors.  The beings that generated the color were too small to see from so high up but the energy they generated was just as dazzling, as it was dangerous.

“Wood nymphs! It must be their mating season,” Selinde guessed.

“I’ve never seen so many of them. It’s beautiful.”

“It’s amazing that something so small can be powerful enough to uproot trees.”

“Hey!” Pickachu called. “Can you guys calm down up there? You almost killed us!”

Selinde was unable to hide the awe in her voice,“You speak Wood Nymph?”

“No, but it looks like they got the message.”

The wood nymphs quieted down. Pikachu wondered why they would want to knock over trees so they could mate, but then realized he actually didn’t care that much. He was sick of wandering around in these damn woods. The less trees the better. “Selinde, there’s a sign up ahead. Says the town of Moldy Bottom is 3 miles away. Should we go to it?”

rogue

 

To be continued!

Druid and Thief Conquer the World is an effort born from love and also boredom on the part of Logan Grey and Mary Beecroft.

https://marybeecroft.wordpress.com/

They’re Coming for Me

“It’s too early, I’m not ready for this!”

Tasha looked at me with wet eyes. She was afraid, not angry like me. That’s what happens when you have something worth losing. But if you have nothing, and no one, you get angry.

“Becks, what are we going to do? I’ve seen a few buses drive by with girls inside. They had police escorts. How is this legal?”

“It wouldn’t have been legal a year ago, but since the president declared a state of emergency all bets are off. It looks like the government is using the Gender Flu as an excuse to cancel our civil liberties.”

“But who cares about that, women are dying!”

I was naturally distrustful, it’s a side product of being orphaned at an early age. “You’ve heard what they’re saying on tv, right?  The S.A.F.E program is our best chance for survival and the continuation of the entire female population. But they can’t force us into their stupid slavery program if they can’t catch us. We’re just going to have to be clever and strong. Can you do that Tasha?”

“We aren’t going home?”

“If you go home there will be a bus parked in front of your driveway waiting. Before you even get to say goodbye to your parents those bastards will grab you!”

Tasha sniffed and blinked her eyes. “Right. Do you know anywhere we can hide?”

“There’s a place I know of where a lot of homeless people used to hang out. It’s an entrance to the underground tunnels that run underneath the city. Maybe we can hide there until all this dies down.”

“How are we going to get there without being seen?”

“The best thing we can do is to act casual and try to blend in. If we panic and run we’ll draw attention to ourselves. Here, pull your hoodie up over your head and tuck your hair in, that way it’s harder to tell you’re a girl.”

A police car rolled by us as we walked down the sidewalk with our hands in our pockets. For the first time in my life I felt grateful for my flat chest and lack of curves. Tasha was a little more developed so I had her walk on the other side of me farthest from the street. I resisted the urge to dive down an alleyway every time we saw one of the red buses drive past. The city hurricane warning siren wailed in the distance, a constant reminder that we were being hunted. The sound reverberated inside my skull and added to my natural instinct to flee. I felt Tasha’s hand slip into my own.

When we were finally in sight of Forsyth Park our pace quickened. I felt a small amount of relief until I saw the police blockade on Henry Street. We both stopped, hearts and minds racing in tandem. Tasha looked at me, her pupils had grown so large the normal hazel color of her eyes had vanished. “They’ve already seen us. If we turn around they’ll know we’re trying to avoid them. Keep your head down and stay to the right of me.”

Time moved with agonizing slowness as we walked those few blocks to where the blockade was set. There were two police cars with one officer each, but thankfully, no red bus. We were nearly within earshot of the officers I warned Tasha to keep looking forward and continue walking at a regular speed.

“Hey, you two boys!”

I turned slowly to look at the man who’d spoken to us.

“There’s a rumor about a secret hideout somewhere in this area, possibly underground. We think there might be some females trying to avoid the S.A.F.E protocol by hiding out. Do you know of a place around here like that?”

There was no avoiding it now. As soon as one of us answered him the illusion would be broken. “Get ready to run.”

“Hey, I asked you a question. You deaf or something?” He started walking toward us.

“Tasha do you remember where we used to hang out after school in 8th grade?”

“You mean that closed down café on Wright Square?”

“Yeah. Meet me there and we’ll try to come up with a plan. One, two, three, go!”

I took off running as fast as my thin legs could manage. I suddenly regretted turning down my high school track coaches suggestion to join the school team. I was huffing and and puffing within seconds but sheer terror kept me moving forward.

I took a left and ran down Bull Street as Tasha turned right onto Gaston. She was taking the long way around and I silently hoped she would be able to make it to the café.

“Stop, or I’ll shoot!”

The cops shouted threats behind me as they tried to give chase. I knew they weren’t going to shoot me. Despite the terrible things the government was now allowed to do, females were growing more valuable every day as more of us died. They fired into the air and I stumbled to the ground as if I’d been hit. I took a moment to look behind me and saw that the officer was at least fifty feet back holding his knees and gasping.

I turned down an alley and surprised the old man that ran Angels BBQ. He shouted and jumped out of my way.  As I rounded the corner a red bus was winding around the square. I climbed in through a broken window in what used to be The Wright Square Café.

I heard the bus engine in the distance as it traveled down Bull Street, police sirens joined the sound. An ear piercing scream made the small hairs on my arms stand on end. It was Tasha, they must have her. I got to my feet and started for the window when a hand gripped my shoulder and held me firmly in place.

I turned around to face a middle aged woman with dirty blonde hair and mud on her face. “You can’t help her now. Going out there is suicide.”

My lower lip trembled as the sounds of Tasha’s protests grew fainter. Hot tears stung my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. The fact that I was crying only made me angrier.

“I know,” the woman said and pulled me into a hug.

I had never felt so useless.

Jarea Takes a Holiday

The following nonsense is my attempt to create a short story to accompany my fellow bored co-workers desk doodles. If you enjoy nonsense or you are also bored at work please continue reading. It’s fun to follow along in the drawing while reading to see how many doodles I was able to incorporate into the story!

Desk Doodle

The sun was shining a unique bright orange and it shone through Jarea’s blinds waking her from a deep sleep. She yawned and stretched and put on her giant diamond ring which weighed nearly 2 lbs. It was the only thing she wore aside from her smile. Jarea opened her window and saw that a giant butterfly as big as a dragon was flying above the trees.

“I’ve got to get a better look at this!” Jarea said.

Jarea hopped into her little red doodlebug and decided to take a drive to see what she could see. On the way to see the giant butterfly which dwarfed the biggest pine tree, Jarea passed a broken heart. It was floating in midair and openly crying. Jarea felt compelled to stop.

“What’s going on?”

“Aw nothing. I’m just depressed because I got drawn into the air above this cemetery. Looking at dead people makes me sad.”

“Hmm. I can see that. Would you like to take a ride with me instead?” Jarea offered.

“Sure! That sounds great. I don’t have any feet but I can kinda float above this seat.”

“Just one thing, I’m going to need some gas money.”

“Alright, I’ll just pull this two hundred dollars out of the sky.” Heart handed Jarea two hundred dollars and she promptly stopped at the nearest gas pump.

“I’ll go inside and pay for the gas, why don’t you pump?”

Heart protested this idea. “But I don’t have any hands!”

Jarea walked inside to find that the gas station attendant couldn’t accept her money.

“I don’t have any change for hundred dollar bills. Don’t you have anything smaller?”

“I’ve got this book. Would you like that instead?”

“That’s a great idea! I haven’t read any books today. And since you’re so smart Jarea, I’m going to throw in a complimentary ice cream cone with your gas!”

“Um. Can I get two please? I need one for my friend outside.”

“Why sure you can have two! Ice creams are just falling from the sky anyways. What a thoughtful girl you are.”

Jarea skipped outside and handed the second ice cream to Heart. The two new friends continued on their trip enjoying their frozen treats. Jarea had nearly forgotten why she came outside in the first place when the butterfly flew over her car and went straight for the sun! Soon he was out of sight and Jarea and Heart were sad that they wouldn’t get the chance to see him up close.

“What a missed opportunity,” Jarea said. There are hardly ever butterflies the size of trees!”

Just then a weird rotary phone presented itself in the backseat next to Heart and started to ring loudly. “Should we answer it?” Heart asked.

“Of course we should! Hello?”

“Hey there’s a cool show happening just up the hill past that billboard, you might want to check it out.”

“Okay. What kind of show? And who is this? And also, how is there a rotary phone in my car that isn’t attached to anything.”

“Dude. I don’t know any of that. Just follow the sound of drums.”

Since they had nothing better to do, Jarea and Heart continued driving until they reached a clearing. They parked the doodlebug next to a set of drums that were busy playing themselves. Jarea and Heart sat down to listen to the magic drumset. The two friends swayed in time to the drumbeat and soon a gigantic shadow covered both of them. The butterfly/dragon was attracted to the sound of the magical drums and floated right above their heads. It landed a few feet away from them but took care not to squish Jarea or Heart.

“That’s nice music. I like things that are nice.”

“I like your wings!” Jarea said.

“And I like your smile,” Heart added.

“Thanks! I like that you guys are way small and you’re both naked. That’s funny. Would you like to ride on my back?”

“Of course!” they both said at the same time.

“Alright. Let’s go!”

“This is the best day ever!” Jarea said as they all flew away in the direction of the weirdly orange taffy colored sun.

Restraint

“How are you today, Charles?”

Mr. Kozloski asked in a voice reserved for addressing 8 year olds. He always spoke in a measured rhythm and took a very long time to say nothing. He knew I was shitting in my pants for the simple fact that I’d been called into his office.

“I’m fine, sir. Thank you for asking.”

He nodded his head accepting my humble response as appropriate. “Do you happen to know why you’re here?”

That patronizing tone of voice was maddening. I’d rather listen to someone grind their teeth together than hear him make another speech. He is working up to firing me but instead of just saying that he will probably take an hour to describe his reasoning behind the decision. My boss loved the sound of his own voice.

“I guess it’s getting close to the time for my annual review, sir. So I thought you might want to talk about that.” I knew he didn’t want to talk about that.

He paused, leaned back in his chair and pondered my response. Again, he took his time answering. I was almost ready to walk out and quit. Being a lowly security guard with my twenty-five years experience as a Detective for Chatham County was insulting enough already, I didn’t need this drama.

“You’re right in a way, Charles. I do want to talk about your performance but it will be a short conversation I’m afraid. No breaking out the rubric this time.”

I couldn’t say anything. I was equal parts rage and fear. I wanted to reach across the desk wrap my hands around this skinny punks neck and squeeze until his windpipe cracked just so he could never say the word “rubric” again! I was eleven years his senior and I had work experience that was relevant. Mr. Kozloski had no work experience prior to the the Gender Flu riots.  If half the country hadn’t died from the virus and the other half gone to complete shit, this man would have been lucky to find employment as a coffee shop barista.

“So no annual increase then?” Of course I already knew the answer.

Kozloski had the hubris to laugh. “Actually Charles I’m afraid I have to inform you that today is your last day of employment with S.A.F.E. There have been two many violations of company policy and I can no longer overlook them.”

“Do you mean because I was late a couple of times?”

Kozloski gave me a look. “It was more than a couple of times, Charles.” He opened a folder that contained printed photos of me entering the building. They were time stamped. “I have the photos to prove you were late 3 times in the last six months alone. I’m afraid we can’t over look this any longer.”

My palms began to sweat. “Mr. Kozloski, it’s just that I ran out of fuel credits a few times toward the end of the month and I had to walk from 52nd street to the compound. It’s quite a hike.”

“Did you try calling a cab any of those times?”

“No, sir, I simply can’t afford a luxury like that.”

“I see, so you want us to violate procedure by not having appropriate coverage at the compound and risk the safety of our females because you can’t manage your finances properly?”

I wanted to punch him until his face caved in. I imagined the satisfying sound of his pointy little beak crumpling under the weight of my fist. I was fifty-five but I kept in shape. I held my anger in check because I would never work again if S.A.F.E decided to give me a bad reference.

I stood and thanked Mr. Kozloski for giving the opportunity to worth with him. I nearly gagged on the words but I said them because they had to be said. He wished me look and shook my wet palm. He made a face when the moisture from my sweaty palm soaked into his precious callous free hand. The man had likely never held a gun in his life but held the title of “Head of Security.”

“Before I go Mr. Kozloski I’d like to ask if you’ll be able to give me a favorable recommendation if a future employer calls?”

The skin on his hairless cheeks gathered into a smile.

I doubt he even needs to shave, the twat!

“Of course I’ll give you a good reference, Charles,” he said in a sarcastic voice that let me know in perfectly clear terms that he had no intention of doing that.

“Thank you, Sir,” I said and managed to leave without punching a hole through Mr. Kozloski or his office door on my way out.

Critical Thinking

Dr. Aikens is a big fan of Actualism but he isn’t allowed to teach on it. Haley sits in the front row of his class and absorbs everything he says like a sponge. Today’s discussion is on Descartes not on Bejamin Wong, the founder of Actualism, but it is clear that Dr. Aikens is trying to make the connection.

“How do you know that you’re real?” he asks

Haley raises her hand to answer. “I can see my reflection in the window. I can feel my pulse in my wrist and I’m breathing in air every second.”

He likes that answer. “So you’re basing your assumption that you’re real on information you can gather with your senses, correct? What you can see, touch, hear and smell?”

She nods.

But what if I told you that you can’t trust your senses to always be correct? Senses can be fooled. For instance think about a person taking, what’s that new hallucinogenic out there that the kids all like? The green stuff?”

“Bug juice,” a lethargic voice answers from the back.

Dr. Aikens whirls on a haired boy with red rimmed eyes. To the average person it might look like the boy is under the influence of something, but Haley lives next door to him and has first hand knowledge of the fact that he gets abused at home. He wasn’t a druggie, his distant attitude and lack of concern for school comes from his problems with his father.

“Excellent Mr. Dresden. I knew you would have the answer.”

“So someone taking Bug Juice would experience auditory and visual hallucinations. Therefore the visual data they are able to gather wouldn’t be factual and they wouldn’t be able to believe with that saw, ‘with their own eyes.'”

“So what is the answer then? What can you believe? How do you know you’re real?”

“I’m glad you’re so enthusiastic, Haley. The answer according to Descartes could be summed up in one sentence.” Dr. Aikens turned to the white board and wrote a phrase in red marker, I think therefore I am.

“But what does it mean?” A curly haired girl asked.

“It means that Descartes believed the proof of his existence was based on his ability to think. That the act of thinking itself was the proof.” Here Dr. Aikens paused for effect to see if he’d blown everyones mind. It was clear that he enjoyed his job.

**

After class Haley found herself in Dr. Aikens office. He had a recent test of hers with a score of 98 and a written message on the front of the paper. He handed it to her proudly, “Do you know you were the only one in the class who managed to write a proper answer to the essay question on the proof of God?”

Haley couldn’t help but smile at this. She didn’t agree with Dr. Aikens on some things but she did enjoy his praise. “I’m glad to hear you liked my answer.”

He sat down at the desk and steepled his fingers.”I did enjoy reading your response, it seems you’ve some deep rooted beliefs that have no basis in logic, but nevertheless are fascinating.”

“Are you talking about my faith?”

“Yes, indeed. Faith is an interesting concept.”

“Don’t you think it’s better than believing in nothing?” I hadn’t come here to debate the man on religion, but I was the daughter of a paster after all.

He stood and turned to the bookshelf behind him. “I wouldn’t say I believe in nothing.” He chose a hardback book with a dark purple cover and a strange golden symbol on the front. If I had to guess I would have said it looked Egyptian. He handed the book to me. I half expected it to be full of satanic rituals and spells. Instead the cover read Benjamin Wong and within it’s pages contained the principles that a nation would later use a road map for life after their faith had failed them.

“I think you might find this interesting, he said.