Jarea Takes a Holiday

The following nonsense is my attempt to create a short story to accompany my fellow bored co-workers desk doodles. If you enjoy nonsense or you are also bored at work please continue reading. It’s fun to follow along in the drawing while reading to see how many doodles I was able to incorporate into the story!

Desk Doodle

The sun was shining a unique bright orange and it shone through Jarea’s blinds waking her from a deep sleep. She yawned and stretched and put on her giant diamond ring which weighed nearly 2 lbs. It was the only thing she wore aside from her smile. Jarea opened her window and saw that a giant butterfly as big as a dragon was flying above the trees.

“I’ve got to get a better look at this!” Jarea said.

Jarea hopped into her little red doodlebug and decided to take a drive to see what she could see. On the way to see the giant butterfly which dwarfed the biggest pine tree, Jarea passed a broken heart. It was floating in midair and openly crying. Jarea felt compelled to stop.

“What’s going on?”

“Aw nothing. I’m just depressed because I got drawn into the air above this cemetery. Looking at dead people makes me sad.”

“Hmm. I can see that. Would you like to take a ride with me instead?” Jarea offered.

“Sure! That sounds great. I don’t have any feet but I can kinda float above this seat.”

“Just one thing, I’m going to need some gas money.”

“Alright, I’ll just pull this two hundred dollars out of the sky.” Heart handed Jarea two hundred dollars and she promptly stopped at the nearest gas pump.

“I’ll go inside and pay for the gas, why don’t you pump?”

Heart protested this idea. “But I don’t have any hands!”

Jarea walked inside to find that the gas station attendant couldn’t accept her money.

“I don’t have any change for hundred dollar bills. Don’t you have anything smaller?”

“I’ve got this book. Would you like that instead?”

“That’s a great idea! I haven’t read any books today. And since you’re so smart Jarea, I’m going to throw in a complimentary ice cream cone with your gas!”

“Um. Can I get two please? I need one for my friend outside.”

“Why sure you can have two! Ice creams are just falling from the sky anyways. What a thoughtful girl you are.”

Jarea skipped outside and handed the second ice cream to Heart. The two new friends continued on their trip enjoying their frozen treats. Jarea had nearly forgotten why she came outside in the first place when the butterfly flew over her car and went straight for the sun! Soon he was out of sight and Jarea and Heart were sad that they wouldn’t get the chance to see him up close.

“What a missed opportunity,” Jarea said. There are hardly ever butterflies the size of trees!”

Just then a weird rotary phone presented itself in the backseat next to Heart and started to ring loudly. “Should we answer it?” Heart asked.

“Of course we should! Hello?”

“Hey there’s a cool show happening just up the hill past that billboard, you might want to check it out.”

“Okay. What kind of show? And who is this? And also, how is there a rotary phone in my car that isn’t attached to anything.”

“Dude. I don’t know any of that. Just follow the sound of drums.”

Since they had nothing better to do, Jarea and Heart continued driving until they reached a clearing. They parked the doodlebug next to a set of drums that were busy playing themselves. Jarea and Heart sat down to listen to the magic drumset. The two friends swayed in time to the drumbeat and soon a gigantic shadow covered both of them. The butterfly/dragon was attracted to the sound of the magical drums and floated right above their heads. It landed a few feet away from them but took care not to squish Jarea or Heart.

“That’s nice music. I like things that are nice.”

“I like your wings!” Jarea said.

“And I like your smile,” Heart added.

“Thanks! I like that you guys are way small and you’re both naked. That’s funny. Would you like to ride on my back?”

“Of course!” they both said at the same time.

“Alright. Let’s go!”

“This is the best day ever!” Jarea said as they all flew away in the direction of the weirdly orange taffy colored sun.

Advertisements

Restraint

“How are you today, Charles?”

Mr. Kozloski asked in a voice reserved for addressing 8 year olds. He always spoke in a measured rhythm and took a very long time to say nothing. He knew I was shitting in my pants for the simple fact that I’d been called into his office.

“I’m fine, sir. Thank you for asking.”

He nodded his head accepting my humble response as appropriate. “Do you happen to know why you’re here?”

That patronizing tone of voice was maddening. I’d rather listen to someone grind their teeth together than hear him make another speech. He is working up to firing me but instead of just saying that he will probably take an hour to describe his reasoning behind the decision. My boss loved the sound of his own voice.

“I guess it’s getting close to the time for my annual review, sir. So I thought you might want to talk about that.” I knew he didn’t want to talk about that.

He paused, leaned back in his chair and pondered my response. Again, he took his time answering. I was almost ready to walk out and quit. Being a lowly security guard with my twenty-five years experience as a Detective for Chatham County was insulting enough already, I didn’t need this drama.

“You’re right in a way, Charles. I do want to talk about your performance but it will be a short conversation I’m afraid. No breaking out the rubric this time.”

I couldn’t say anything. I was equal parts rage and fear. I wanted to reach across the desk wrap my hands around this skinny punks neck and squeeze until his windpipe cracked just so he could never say the word “rubric” again! I was eleven years his senior and I had work experience that was relevant. Mr. Kozloski had no work experience prior to the the Gender Flu riots.  If half the country hadn’t died from the virus and the other half gone to complete shit, this man would have been lucky to find employment as a coffee shop barista.

“So no annual increase then?” Of course I already knew the answer.

Kozloski had the hubris to laugh. “Actually Charles I’m afraid I have to inform you that today is your last day of employment with S.A.F.E. There have been two many violations of company policy and I can no longer overlook them.”

“Do you mean because I was late a couple of times?”

Kozloski gave me a look. “It was more than a couple of times, Charles.” He opened a folder that contained printed photos of me entering the building. They were time stamped. “I have the photos to prove you were late 3 times in the last six months alone. I’m afraid we can’t over look this any longer.”

My palms began to sweat. “Mr. Kozloski, it’s just that I ran out of fuel credits a few times toward the end of the month and I had to walk from 52nd street to the compound. It’s quite a hike.”

“Did you try calling a cab any of those times?”

“No, sir, I simply can’t afford a luxury like that.”

“I see, so you want us to violate procedure by not having appropriate coverage at the compound and risk the safety of our females because you can’t manage your finances properly?”

I wanted to punch him until his face caved in. I imagined the satisfying sound of his pointy little beak crumpling under the weight of my fist. I was fifty-five but I kept in shape. I held my anger in check because I would never work again if S.A.F.E decided to give me a bad reference.

I stood and thanked Mr. Kozloski for giving the opportunity to worth with him. I nearly gagged on the words but I said them because they had to be said. He wished me look and shook my wet palm. He made a face when the moisture from my sweaty palm soaked into his precious callous free hand. The man had likely never held a gun in his life but held the title of “Head of Security.”

“Before I go Mr. Kozloski I’d like to ask if you’ll be able to give me a favorable recommendation if a future employer calls?”

The skin on his hairless cheeks gathered into a smile.

I doubt he even needs to shave, the twat!

“Of course I’ll give you a good reference, Charles,” he said in a sarcastic voice that let me know in perfectly clear terms that he had no intention of doing that.

“Thank you, Sir,” I said and managed to leave without punching a hole through Mr. Kozloski or his office door on my way out.

Critical Thinking

Dr. Aikens is a big fan of Actualism but he isn’t allowed to teach on it. Haley sits in the front row of his class and absorbs everything he says like a sponge. Today’s discussion is on Descartes not on Bejamin Wong, the founder of Actualism, but it is clear that Dr. Aikens is trying to make the connection.

“How do you know that you’re real?” he asks

Haley raises her hand to answer. “I can see my reflection in the window. I can feel my pulse in my wrist and I’m breathing in air every second.”

He likes that answer. “So you’re basing your assumption that you’re real on information you can gather with your senses, correct? What you can see, touch, hear and smell?”

She nods.

But what if I told you that you can’t trust your senses to always be correct? Senses can be fooled. For instance think about a person taking, what’s that new hallucinogenic out there that the kids all like? The green stuff?”

“Bug juice,” a lethargic voice answers from the back.

Dr. Aikens whirls on a haired boy with red rimmed eyes. To the average person it might look like the boy is under the influence of something, but Haley lives next door to him and has first hand knowledge of the fact that he gets abused at home. He wasn’t a druggie, his distant attitude and lack of concern for school comes from his problems with his father.

“Excellent Mr. Dresden. I knew you would have the answer.”

“So someone taking Bug Juice would experience auditory and visual hallucinations. Therefore the visual data they are able to gather wouldn’t be factual and they wouldn’t be able to believe with that saw, ‘with their own eyes.'”

“So what is the answer then? What can you believe? How do you know you’re real?”

“I’m glad you’re so enthusiastic, Haley. The answer according to Descartes could be summed up in one sentence.” Dr. Aikens turned to the white board and wrote a phrase in red marker, I think therefore I am.

“But what does it mean?” A curly haired girl asked.

“It means that Descartes believed the proof of his existence was based on his ability to think. That the act of thinking itself was the proof.” Here Dr. Aikens paused for effect to see if he’d blown everyones mind. It was clear that he enjoyed his job.

**

After class Haley found herself in Dr. Aikens office. He had a recent test of hers with a score of 98 and a written message on the front of the paper. He handed it to her proudly, “Do you know you were the only one in the class who managed to write a proper answer to the essay question on the proof of God?”

Haley couldn’t help but smile at this. She didn’t agree with Dr. Aikens on some things but she did enjoy his praise. “I’m glad to hear you liked my answer.”

He sat down at the desk and steepled his fingers.”I did enjoy reading your response, it seems you’ve some deep rooted beliefs that have no basis in logic, but nevertheless are fascinating.”

“Are you talking about my faith?”

“Yes, indeed. Faith is an interesting concept.”

“Don’t you think it’s better than believing in nothing?” I hadn’t come here to debate the man on religion, but I was the daughter of a paster after all.

He stood and turned to the bookshelf behind him. “I wouldn’t say I believe in nothing.” He chose a hardback book with a dark purple cover and a strange golden symbol on the front. If I had to guess I would have said it looked Egyptian. He handed the book to me. I half expected it to be full of satanic rituals and spells. Instead the cover read Benjamin Wong and within it’s pages contained the principles that a nation would later use a road map for life after their faith had failed them.

“I think you might find this interesting, he said.