Druid and Thief Conquer the World (4)

Selinde awoke to the sound of arguing. She could make out Pikachu’s voice and a female voice that she hadn’t heard for many years. “It can’t be!” That grating know-it-all tone, it could be only one woman.

I thought that bitch was dead. Selinde’s robe slipped from her as she stood and stalked into the other room in all her naked glory. “How did you get past my words, skank!”

“You indecent harlot, you can’t talk to a High Priestess in that manner!”

“I don’t plan to do any talking at all!” Selinde’s body melted and reformed itself into the shape of a snarling Direwolf.

In her wolf form Selinde was quite a foreboding sight, larger than any natural wolf with a blood red pelt. Pikachu wondered if he should perhaps reconsider his romantic goals. Maybe I shouldn’t be in love with a bird that can eat me?

The Direwolf’s enormous form took up most of the tiny living room. It advanced, jaws snapping at Galatea. The pinched face priestess regarded Selinde with utter disdain and threw up a light shield in front of herself.

Selinde howled and leapt at Galatea,  jaws open wide knocking the priestess to the floor and landing hard on her chest.

“Don’t make me do this, Selinde!” Pikachu was holding his Rod of Obedience and pointing it in her direction.

Selinde’s black lips curled up in a snarl.

Pikachu peed a little. “Okay, I had good intentions, Galatea. I want you to remember that. but I’d rather not risk getting eaten by my best friend. Sorry. You’re on your own.”

Pikachu set down the rod and backed up. “You always were a useless lout, Pikachu. How you survived this long, I’ll never know.” Galatea spat. Then she returned her hateful gaze to Selinde. “But you! You’re the one who pushed me off a ship and left me to drown!”

“We were fighting a horde of fish zombies! You got in  the way of her attack and by the time it was over our ship had gone too far,” Pikachu reminded, when he realized Selinde couldn’t defend herself in wolf form.

“I went to hell and back!” Galatea cried. “And I just so happened to bring some of those fish zombies back with me to finish what they started!”

Galatea snapped her fingers. In a cloud of smoke appeared five decaying man-fish hybrid zombies thingys.

“Ah bollocks,” said Pikachu, before transforming into a wolf hybrid and crossing the room to join his companion in the fight.

 

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Abduction Day – Author Unknown

I can hear the rumbling engine that portends my end. The hateful behemoth sucking air and spewing smoke is only two blocks away, its intention to lead us to our destiny. I am no poet, merely a preserver of history. I want someone to know, someone to read this and feel my misery, our misery.

My mom cries in the other room. She has no power, neither do I. We will both be taken and I’m glad for once that my father is no longer living. I write this as a memory, to preserve my thoughts and feelings. Soon I will not be allowed to feel, my choice of actions reduced to lying on my back and spreading my legs for strangers.

We are told this is our duty, those females who are left. The good of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Didn’t a famous person say that once? I don’t remember their name, just as no one will remember mine.

Druid & Thief Conquer the World (3)

On our last adventure, Pikachu had given himself a nasty burn when he dove into the fire and dry humped a log!

druid

“I think I’ll just go to bed now.” Pikachu slunk off to the nearest bedroom which wasn’t much bigger than a closet. He’d only been alone with his shame for a few minutes when he heard a soft knock.

“Can I come in?”

“I guess,” he said sullenly.

Selinde sat down on the bed beside him. “What did you think you were doing just then? You know you have some nasty burns now. I’ll see what I can do.” Selinde spoke a word in druidic and placed her hands on the crispiest part of Pikachu’s skin. The wounds knitted together before his eyes.

“Thank you, but you really shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s no… big… deal…”  Selinde fell forward and her head landed in Pikachu’s lap face down in his crotch.

“Ah!” He quickly grew a raging erection and gently rolled Selinde over to the side of the bed where she began to snore softly.

“I guess I should try and sleep.” Pickachu was exhausted but too aroused by the nearness of Selinde’s body to his. He almost jumped out of the bed when something touched the small of his back. He looked behind him to see Selinde slowly raising her knees to her chin and then kicking both her legs back down in one forceful motion. She did this many times in a row.

Having traveled with her for many years, he was well attuned to her bizarre sleeping habits. At least this time she wasn’t strutting around the room, clucking like a chicken. He wondered if it were a druid thing.

Pikachu moved himself to the front room and tried to fall asleep.

Before he drifted off, someone knocked on the door.

“Bugger off!” he called to them.

The knocking persisted.

“Oy! Don’t you know what time it is?”

The door crashed open and in walked an angry woman carrying a bag of scrolls.

The blood drained out of Pikachu when he got a look at her face.

“I- I…. Thought you were dead!” he stammered.

“Where’s Selinde?!” cried Galatea. “I won’t forgive her for what she did to me!”

To be continued!

Druid & Thief is a product of the union of Logan Grey and Mary Beecroft.

https://marybeecroft.wordpress.com/

Druid & Thief Conquer the World (2)

fire

Please reference the first entry to Druid & Thief Conquer the World before reading part two. Pikachu had just suggested the pair visit the town of Moldy Bottoms.

Selinde indulged herself in a jaw cracking yawn before answering. “I’m guessing you want more opportunities to practice your purse snatching?”

“Well, I mean there are other things we could do in the town. Maybe a tavern or..”

“I’m kidding! I don’t care what you do, just remember my invisibility wand only has one more charge.”

They walked back to the cabin and Selinde was entertained by Pikachu’s lack of skill with the bow drill. When he wasn’t paying attention she daintily flicked her wrist and a spark appeared to his delight.

I’ll let  him have that one. “Your woodcraft is improving. I’m impressed!”

Soon they had a roaring fire and if not for the rumbling in her stomach Selinde would have been fast asleep. “Too bad we didn’t have a chance to hunt. I would die for a nice rabbit stew.”

“I found these! Mushrooms have protein, right?” Pikachu handed Selinde a strange purple mushrooms with a pink spotted cap.

“I haven’t had much training in herb lore but this doesn’t look like any mushroom I’ve ever seen.” She quickly conducted a detect poison spell to see if they were safe. “I don’t know about their nutritional value, but at least they won’t kill us.” She popped a couple in her mouth and was surprised by their sweet taste. “These are actually quite good.”

The mushrooms turned out to have a strange addictive quality and both Selinde and Pikachu ate two fistfuls each. It wasn’t long before both of them were flat on their backs in the cabin staring up at the ceiling into space.

“Pikachu, I feel so strange,” Selinde whisered. “It’s like my entire body is on fire from my toes to the top of my head.” She rolled on her side to look at him. His eyes were so bright blue they seemed to glow. Had they always been so captivating. Must be the elf in him.

Pikachu also felt strange. “Selinde,” he whispered. “Where are you?” His vision  had clouded with twirling, pulsing light.

“I’m here, Pikachu. I’m waiting for you.”

She stood on the other side of the fire, her skin aglow in its golden reflection. Her eyes sparkled like emeralds.

“I’ve been waiting for you for so long,” she breathed.

Pikachus stomach dropped.”Whhaaaaaaaatt???” he croaked.

She stretched out her arms to him. ”Come to me.”

Without thinking, he leapt at her, but landed in the fire. But even third degree burns couldn’t stop the throbbing passion he felt surging beneath his trousers. After putting out the actual fire on him, he turned his inner fire to her.

“Selinde,” he moaned, while caressing her skin. It was rougher than he thought it would be, like bark.

“Enough stalling, Pik. I want you.” She went to undo his trousers.

“I just, um, I mean I might not be as big as…” he cringed as he tried to warn her about the abysmal size of his penis. Sex had evaded him too many times because of it. The women just simply couldn’t seem to continue while laughing so hard.

“What do you mean, Pik? You’re huge!”

Pikachu looked down to see he had grown exponentially.. was it some kind of magic?

He went at her with the full of his  passion.

“Pik!” her voice sounded far off. “Pik!” she said again. “Stop humping that firewood. We can’t get it wet.”

rogue

To be continued!

Druid and Thief Conquer the World is a product of the union of Logan Grey and Mary Beecroft!

https://marybeecroft.wordpress.com/

Druid & Thief Conquer the World!

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Selinde couldn’t believe she was still standing. The battle with that rogue band of deamons had pushed her magic to it’s limits. The saving grace had been their mistake in attacking an Arch Druid in the middle of a forest. Despite this advantage Selinde and her companion, Pikachu had barely made it out alive. Their hasty retreat and subsequent three mile trek to her safehouse in Aloryia had drained her physically. She leaned a shoulder on Pikachu and wondered not for the first time, what she would have done without his strength.

Pikachu had offered to carry Selinde, but her pride forced her to refuse. In the last three years, however, there had been a few times when she did not refuse him. They had fought many battles together, some of which they shouldn’t have survived. When Selinde was younger she had once bemoaned being the only druid left alive but she now realized that Pikachu was worth a hundred dusty old druids.

“I can set a ward for tonight, it should hold until I have my strength back. Can you make a fire?”

Pikachu’s fire making skills were shite, but he agreed. While Selinde was off doing her magic mumbo jumbo, Pikachu looked around for some wood. ‘Maybe tonight’s the night, he thought. The night Selinde would finally realize her undying love for him.

Boom! Bang! Powee! Suddenly the trees around them come crashing down.

Selinde throws up a forcefield around the two of them just in time to save the pair from being flattened by a falling tree. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, you?”

“Yes, but if anymore trees fall over I’m not sure I have the strength of shield us. What the hell could have caused that?”

The pair of them looked up to see the tree limbs above were awash in a dazzling rainbow of swirling colors.  The beings that generated the color were too small to see from so high up but the energy they generated was just as dazzling, as it was dangerous.

“Wood nymphs! It must be their mating season,” Selinde guessed.

“I’ve never seen so many of them. It’s beautiful.”

“It’s amazing that something so small can be powerful enough to uproot trees.”

“Hey!” Pickachu called. “Can you guys calm down up there? You almost killed us!”

Selinde was unable to hide the awe in her voice,“You speak Wood Nymph?”

“No, but it looks like they got the message.”

The wood nymphs quieted down. Pikachu wondered why they would want to knock over trees so they could mate, but then realized he actually didn’t care that much. He was sick of wandering around in these damn woods. The less trees the better. “Selinde, there’s a sign up ahead. Says the town of Moldy Bottom is 3 miles away. Should we go to it?”

rogue

 

To be continued!

Druid and Thief Conquer the World is an effort born from love and also boredom on the part of Logan Grey and Mary Beecroft.

https://marybeecroft.wordpress.com/

Jarea Takes a Holiday

The following nonsense is my attempt to create a short story to accompany my fellow bored co-workers desk doodles. If you enjoy nonsense or you are also bored at work please continue reading. It’s fun to follow along in the drawing while reading to see how many doodles I was able to incorporate into the story!

Desk Doodle

The sun was shining a unique bright orange and it shone through Jarea’s blinds waking her from a deep sleep. She yawned and stretched and put on her giant diamond ring which weighed nearly 2 lbs. It was the only thing she wore aside from her smile. Jarea opened her window and saw that a giant butterfly as big as a dragon was flying above the trees.

“I’ve got to get a better look at this!” Jarea said.

Jarea hopped into her little red doodlebug and decided to take a drive to see what she could see. On the way to see the giant butterfly which dwarfed the biggest pine tree, Jarea passed a broken heart. It was floating in midair and openly crying. Jarea felt compelled to stop.

“What’s going on?”

“Aw nothing. I’m just depressed because I got drawn into the air above this cemetery. Looking at dead people makes me sad.”

“Hmm. I can see that. Would you like to take a ride with me instead?” Jarea offered.

“Sure! That sounds great. I don’t have any feet but I can kinda float above this seat.”

“Just one thing, I’m going to need some gas money.”

“Alright, I’ll just pull this two hundred dollars out of the sky.” Heart handed Jarea two hundred dollars and she promptly stopped at the nearest gas pump.

“I’ll go inside and pay for the gas, why don’t you pump?”

Heart protested this idea. “But I don’t have any hands!”

Jarea walked inside to find that the gas station attendant couldn’t accept her money.

“I don’t have any change for hundred dollar bills. Don’t you have anything smaller?”

“I’ve got this book. Would you like that instead?”

“That’s a great idea! I haven’t read any books today. And since you’re so smart Jarea, I’m going to throw in a complimentary ice cream cone with your gas!”

“Um. Can I get two please? I need one for my friend outside.”

“Why sure you can have two! Ice creams are just falling from the sky anyways. What a thoughtful girl you are.”

Jarea skipped outside and handed the second ice cream to Heart. The two new friends continued on their trip enjoying their frozen treats. Jarea had nearly forgotten why she came outside in the first place when the butterfly flew over her car and went straight for the sun! Soon he was out of sight and Jarea and Heart were sad that they wouldn’t get the chance to see him up close.

“What a missed opportunity,” Jarea said. There are hardly ever butterflies the size of trees!”

Just then a weird rotary phone presented itself in the backseat next to Heart and started to ring loudly. “Should we answer it?” Heart asked.

“Of course we should! Hello?”

“Hey there’s a cool show happening just up the hill past that billboard, you might want to check it out.”

“Okay. What kind of show? And who is this? And also, how is there a rotary phone in my car that isn’t attached to anything.”

“Dude. I don’t know any of that. Just follow the sound of drums.”

Since they had nothing better to do, Jarea and Heart continued driving until they reached a clearing. They parked the doodlebug next to a set of drums that were busy playing themselves. Jarea and Heart sat down to listen to the magic drumset. The two friends swayed in time to the drumbeat and soon a gigantic shadow covered both of them. The butterfly/dragon was attracted to the sound of the magical drums and floated right above their heads. It landed a few feet away from them but took care not to squish Jarea or Heart.

“That’s nice music. I like things that are nice.”

“I like your wings!” Jarea said.

“And I like your smile,” Heart added.

“Thanks! I like that you guys are way small and you’re both naked. That’s funny. Would you like to ride on my back?”

“Of course!” they both said at the same time.

“Alright. Let’s go!”

“This is the best day ever!” Jarea said as they all flew away in the direction of the weirdly orange taffy colored sun.

The Beginning of the End

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“Doogie” Kayla points at a Golden Retriever playing frisbee with it’s owner in the distance. She is at the stage in life where everything is fascinating and she wants to touch it all. As the dog leaps into the air to catch his prize Kayla sways on her unsure toddler legs and attempts to trot off in it’s direction.

“My turn?” Dorian asks his wife.

“Go for it,” she says. Her smile is warm and full of pride in her little girls accomplishments, even though they are small. Amelia has big plans for the miniature version of herself.

Kayla doesn’t get two steps beyond their picnic blanket before her daddy scoops up his chubby daughter and swings her around in a circle. Delighted giggles fill the air as he carries Kayla upside down back to her mothers waiting arms.

Kayla very much likes going upside down. Her pale blonde hair continues to stand straight up even after Dorian puts her down. She is smiling and flashing a mouth full of gums except for the two front teeth on the bottom that were the only to come in so far.

We he looks at her, Dorian imagines future summer days in Forsyth Park pushing her in the swings. He pictures himself and Amelia cheering in the stands as Kayla plays in her first softball game. He plans to arrive early to get a good view of the stage for her first school play. There are so many things he’s looking forward to in the years to come and reaches out to Amelia and squeezes her hand in silent thanks. She has given him this beautiful give.

Amelia’s contented smile transforms as a coughing fit overtakes her. She has been doing that a lot lately.

“Are you okay?” He asks with real concern. It’s not allergies or a cold and Dorian feels the tiniest ball of dread begin to form in his stomach.

Amelia attempts to say something and waves off his concern. She is unable to form the words because she can’t stop the body racking cough long enough to utter them. The sound is deep and wet with congestion from the bottom of her lungs. She released his hand to retrieve a paper towel and place it over her face to prevent the spreading of germs.  When she brings the towel away from her face there are a few coffee colored drops left behind. She notices him noticing and quickly crumples up the evidence.

“I’m fine!” she says.